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Learning to Love My Changing Body: A Journey of Acceptance and Recovery

Sep 10, 2024

5 min read

This afternoon at camp, the wind was wild, and I felt the urge to go for a walk. I changed out of my oversized shorts and slipped into my favourite pants. To my surprise, they fit differently—tighter around my butt, and where they once hugged me perfectly, a little bit of belly fat now peeked over the top.


Six months ago, an experience like this could have sent me spiralling into a wave of self-doubt and body shame. At the time, I was well into eating disorder recovery, yet still relying on daily affirmations and constant self-talk to fend off the mountains of negative body image and ED (eating disorder) voices that were suffocating me.


But this time? My only thought was, "Oh." No panic, no self-criticism—just a simple acknowledgment. We've been on holiday after all, indulging in ice cream at every stop along the coast and mostly lounging by the beach. This trip was a far cry from our hiking adventure in Tasmania, where Amy and I would trek for 10 hours a day with backpacks in tow.


When I put on those pants, I thought, "They'll probably fit again in a couple of months, and a few months after that, maybe they won’t." And there was no negativity in that thought. I was so proud of this moment of self-compassion and acceptance. And you know what? I still went out for ice cream afterward—because I can.


The Growth of Self-Acceptance


This is where I am in my recovery now, and I’m incredibly proud of it. But recovery isn’t a linear journey. A month ago, Amy and I were hiking in the bush, exercising our beautiful bodies and eating well. Even so, I was overwhelmed by negative body image. The ED voices were so loud that I broke down in Amy’s arms, crying.


Some days, I wake up feeling fantastic—strong, confident, and full of self-love. But by the end of the day, I might feel bloated, uncomfortable, and burdened by negative thoughts about my body. It’s a reminder that our physical selves and our mental perspectives are constantly shifting.


Body Positivity is an Ongoing Journey


I am a strong advocate for body positivity. I believe our bodies are beautiful in every form—whether at their smallest, their largest, or somewhere in between. Every bit of fat, every stretch mark, every curve is a reflection of our connection to Mother Earth. We are nature, after all. But let’s be honest—it’s hard to love your body all the time.

Even though I know that my body’s worth has nothing to do with its size, society’s diet culture is ingrained in us. We’ve been programmed to believe that thinness equals value, and that indulging in food is somehow a failure. My cousin once said it’s almost like you "lose points" if your body doesn’t meet a certain standard, making you less lovable.


Respecting Your Body, Always


The real lesson I’ve learned is this: You can have negative thoughts about your body, but you must always respect it. Respect means nourishing your body, not punishing it with over-exercising or restrictive eating. It means not abusing your body with self-induced harm.


How do you foster this respect? For me, it started with the mirror. Every time I looked at myself, no matter how I felt, I smiled and said, "I love you. You are beautiful." Over time, this practice evolved into something more profound—body gratitude.


I began to thank my body for all it does. I’d say, "Thank you, knees, for carrying me where I need to go. Thank you, hands, for allowing me to hold Amy’s hand. Thank you, stomach, for digesting my food and nourishing me."


Body Gratitude and Self-Love Practices


Body gratitude can be practiced anywhere, but one of my favourite rituals is sesame oil self-massage, an ancient Ayurvedic technique. As I rub the oil into my skin, I thank each part of my body for its strength and support.


Of course, it’s easy to show love to the parts of your body that have never been a source of insecurity. My knees, for example, have never been an issue. But when it came to my hips, it was much harder. I had always struggled with negative feelings about my hips, yet one day, I decided to look at them and say, "I love you anyway." I thanked them for cushioning the weight of my hiking backpack and for helping me enjoy the activity that brings me so much joy.


That’s the key: feel the negativity and love yourself anyway. Over time, the negativity shrinks. It may never disappear completely, but it becomes smaller in the face of divine self-love.


Finding Worth Beyond Your Body


To foster self-love, it’s crucial to remind yourself of your worth beyond your body. What do you value in yourself? Is it your kindness? Your ability to listen to others? Your sense of humour or creativity? These are the things that truly define your worth.

Every curve, every ounce of fat is simply nature embodied in you. You are an expression of the earth itself. Would you ever look at a tree or a mountain and judge it for not being perfect? So why do that to yourself?


Recovery is a Journey, Not a Destination


I’m happy to gain a little weight from indulging in ice cream on a holiday. Recovery is a long and often difficult journey, but it’s also a beautiful one. I’m so thankful for the strength of my past self—the girl who had enough and made the choice to fight for her true self. Recovery is a choice to connect with your authentic being, hidden beneath layers of unhealthy patterns.


Not everything will be perfect all the time. There will be setbacks, moments of doubt, and days when the negative thoughts creep in. But you will rise again. Keep going, remembering the reasons you chose recovery in the first place. One thing that helped me was listing all the things my eating disorder kept me from—being present with friends, enjoying food without stress, thriving at university, and going out for dinner without anxiety. Imagining all the time and energy the disorder was taking from me, I would think, 'What incredible things would I be capable of if that was channeled into something greater?'.


Tips for Navigating Body Image Struggles


For anyone who struggles with body image, here are a few practices that helped me along the way:

  • Interrupt negative thoughts: When you catch yourself in a negative thought loop, respond with love. Even something as simple as, "I love myself," can help shift the mindset.

  • Respect your body: Even if you’re struggling to feel love for your body, always treat it with respect.

  • Read body-positive literature: Books like The Body is Not an Apology by Sonya Renee Taylor helped me understand how societal conditioning shapes our body image—and how to dismantle it.

  • Curate your social media: Follow people who promote body positivity and celebrate larger bodies engaging in activities you love. Surround yourself with the perspective you want to cultivate.

  • Journal about self-love: Make it a daily habit. Write affirmations about parts of yourself that aren’t related to your appearance. This will help boost your overall self-esteem.


Remember to enjoy your ice cream. Clothes are made to fit you—not the other way around.

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