Embracing the Divine Balance: Reconnecting with Feminine Energy

For as long as I can remember, my life has tilted toward the masculine. I was the quintessential tomboy. As a child, I refused dresses, opting instead for board shorts and T-shirts. I felt at ease around the boys, and my toys were dinosaurs and cars. My rejection of femininity was palpable, even to the extent of tearing the legs off Barbies I received as gifts.

Looking back, I didn’t question this; I accepted it as just “who I was.” In my mind, it was simple: I was tomboyish, a “doer” more than a dreamer, drawn to physical activity over creativity. As I grew older and discovered my queerness, I accepted my tomboy nature as a natural expression of it.

Yet recently, I began to sense that this wasn’t the whole story. My journey into understanding the divine masculine and feminine energies has revealed something much deeper. I realised that my sense of self has been powerfully shaped by a lifelong alignment with masculine energy. It’s influenced my appearance, my friendships, and even the way I think. And with that awareness, I’m beginning to see how I’ve rejected my feminine side—not only in the way I dress or the activities I choose, but in my relationship with my own body.

As an adult, I struggled to accept my body’s natural curves, its softness and shape. I wished for an androgynous, square frame, and sometimes, when I look in the mirror, I still find myself pressing down my chest, imagining a flatter figure. This practice—this insistence on flattening, minimising, erasing—is an extension of my own masculine energy imposing itself on my body.

But I’m learning now to shift these thoughts. I’m beginning to look at myself with more acceptance, to soften the harshness of my own gaze. I see the curves of my hips and the fullness of my body as a reflection of nature itself—of the earth’s own power and mystery. My body is a vessel of Shakti, a manifestation of life itself. I am a daughter of Mother Earth, connected to her in every way.

When I view my body this way, my perspective shifts from rejection to reverence. This body, with its curves and softness, is a beautiful creation, a source of life. My womb is a sacred space, capable of nurturing new life, and that realisation fills me with awe.

Each day, I practice gratitude for this body, treating it as a sacred partner on my journey. I speak to it as a separate, cherished entity, offering love and listening in return. The more I connect with it, the more I understand how divine feminine energy flows within me.

In exploring this balance, I’ve recognised my tendencies to resist “feminine” activities and energies—creativity, rest, nurturing. Instead, I’ve often focused on productivity, on doing rather than being. I see now how this disrupts the harmony within me, and I am learning to reclaim my feminine energy through mindful practices: connecting with guides like Radha, practicing the palms of receiving mudra in meditation, embracing women’s circles, communing with nature, and finding creative outlets that bring me peace; such as this blog. And for me, simply giving myself permission to experience feminine energy has been massive. To feel into my feminine and to allow myself to rest. I have also recently bought a yoni egg and am deeply excited about using it for meditation. A wonderful friend of mine described having deeply healing experiences with hers, helping her connect to her womb, release trauma and feel in tune with her intuition. I would love to feel this level of intimacy and love with such a sacred part of my body.

Balancing the masculine and feminine energies isn’t about rejecting one for the other; it’s about integrating both. In a beautiful yoga class I went to recently, the teacher shared a profound insight “if you want the Yang, you must embrace the Yin.” This stuck with me, and has become my guiding mantra. 

Masculine Yang energy drives me to set goals, strive, and achieve, while feminine Yin energy invites me to slow down, create, and connect. Together, they form a harmonious whole. This year I’ve discovered how Yin energy replenishes me, bringing balance and flow into my life.  Balancing masculine and feminine energy has become a central part of my journey. Now I have developed the ability to notice when my life is out of whack, it's often when I’ve been neglecting my feminine energy (my natural tendency). I’m on the journey of learning to get in touch with it, and it's a beautiful one. Through healing and discovery I feel closer and closer to finding a sacred union within.

Ultimately, seeking balance between the masculine and feminine energy is helping me feel more at ease in life, more in love with myself and the world around me, and helping me have fun. After recovering from an eating disorder, getting in touch with my feminine energy is teaching me to see my body not just as a vessel but as a beautiful, powerful force of nature, worthy of worship and love.